Tuesday, April 20, 2010
food coma
i am angry with myself tonight. i went out with the girls, and ate to excess. if we are really going to be honest, i drank to excess too. i feel disgusting right now. at what point did i start having a problem with self control? its sad and pathetic really; the relationship that i have with food. its not meant to fill voids, yet i use it that way. i dont know why i just ate and ate and ate tonight. well past the point of comfort. to the point where i stood over the toilet and shoved my fingers down my throat praying i could undo what i had just done. that is something i have never done in all my life and will never do again. it didnt work. i didnt vomit and i just ended up feeling more disgusting. its sad and pathetic and i feel disgusting.
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Hang in there, this was bound to happen. No matter how long you are at this, you're going to have days when you slip up.
ReplyDeleteIf we didn't have problems with our relationships with food, we wouldn't be having to rethink things or lose weight or struggle with healthy decisions. We both have used food to ease stress or pain, and of course it never does that.
Hang in there, and expect a call from me later today. As a wise friend of mine told me after my latest food freak out, cross this off of your list. Forget it happened. No matter how much you ate, it isn't enough to undo or undermine all of your amazing hard work. You didn't ruin anything.
Let this bad night fade into a shadow, a tiny lesson learned that will help you to feel better about your next night out.
You are not sad or pathetic, and you are NOT disgusting. You are human, and sometimes it's really hard not to automatically make those choices you used to make. Becoming the new, healthy you is a slow and steady process, it takes time. Keep trying.
HUGS HUGS HUGS.